First I would have to start by explaining to you that I have always been perceived as a “hyperactive” person. In school, work and at home that was always the adjective for me: “Hyper”, “fast”, “intense”, and honestly not in a good way.
I have always been extremely active and fast in my thoughts and movements and I had never before wanted to accept that I was wrong, just because I was a bit different or I moved and talked in a different speed. (I have many fun stories to share but I will share later in another format 😉 )
I always did great in school and learning new things, always had 1 or 2 extra activities after school; languages, ballet, tennis, swimming, horseback riding, modern dance, crafting, knitting, playing violin, martial arts, etc… and when I was old enough, started to have half time jobs afterschool as telemarketer, children tutor, and language teacher all this before graduating from college at 22.
I would never stop, It was like If I were afraid of stopping, I didn’t know what could happen. Maybe it was my way of dealing with my dysautonomia; if I never stopped I could feel “in control”, and wouldn’t faint as often. I still don’t really know, but the fact was that I just couldn’t stop moving “forward” and along the way, moving, speaking and thinking too fast, soo fast that I wouldn’t listen, I wouldn’t wait for anyone and I would be alone most of the times. It was a tiring and lonely path.
I had no patience for others and most times not even for myself, people would get annoyed and desperate by me and my “intensity” (they still do, if anyone close to me reads this I can bet they are nodding their heads right now haha) XD
So after my teenage years I started trying to control my speed in everything: talking, moving, and thinking. It always felt like I was limiting myself and it felt frustrating and sad every time I didn’t manage to be as I wanted; slow and peaceful.
Then I found yoga, I found out that fast-thinking didn’t give space for the brain and soul to analyze, absorb knowledge and get to a wise conclusion, I learned that time could be a great friend and not an enemy.
Through the simplicity of learning to breath I learned that slow was much better than fast, I learned that silence and motionless allowed my whole body and mind to rest and to reconnect. I learned throw the slow flow movements of yoga that everything inside me is connected and that I could connect much easier with myself when I was in peace. I stopped being afraid of stopping and just being. And It feels liberating!
I keep learning so much with yoga, and I am aware that I am way far from being perceived as a peaceful person but at least now, I feel in peace with myself and I have learned patience by first being patient with my own evolution 🙂
I know there is still a long way to go, but I am happy and feel free from my own fears and pressures.
I also accept and embrace that I will always be intense and passionate and I learned to appreciate it and use it in my favor when passion and intensity is required I can bring enough for a crowd.
This is my yoga story, what is yours? 🙂